Seven Stages Of Grief
by Werewolves-Oh-My
Summary: Death isn’t the only reason people move into the seven stages of grief. RLSB


**Shock.**

It was raining.

Sirius sat in the middle of the obscenely large sofa, not listening to the overly-practiced and perfected speech that was being played out infront of him. Inhale, exhale. His mind wouldn't let him listen, instead preferring to let him stare, frozen, at the lithe chest located below the moving lips and listen to the harsh, perforating rhythm of the rain slamming against the window. Inhale, exhale.

_...You just don't trust me anymore..._

_...I love you, but I can't live like this..._

_...Please, please, just look at me, Sirius, please, look at me..._

_...Ok. I get it. I'll go. I'm sorry this didn't work, Pads..._

He couldn't bring himself to watch Remus placing his few measly belongings into the small backpack that had been on the sideboard for weeks, almost unnoticed by Sirius amongst the masses of newspaper and discarded clothes. Inhale, exhale. Remaining frozen on the sofa, he stared at the fireplace, eyes immediately drawn to a small wooden frame, a basic muggle photo of the lovers pre-fragmentation digging into his heart. Inhale, exhale.

"I'm going now." Sirius heard, eyes never leaving the photograph of the beautiful people on his sideboard, almost unrecognisable from the mess currently situated in the living room. Inhale, exhale. With a sigh, the small backpack was placed on the floor, and Sirius' view of the beautiful people obstructed by a pair of pain filled eyes. "I'll miss you." The phrase was greeted by silence. Sirius couldn't bring himself to answer, motionless against the barrage of emotions reeling through his mind. Instead he just stared, past the eyes, past the once golden locks framing the ashen face, imagining the beautiful, gorgeous photo that rested meters behind the face assaulting him.

"Goodbye." Lips brushed against Sirius' forehead, a shaky hand stroking against the back of his head softly before both were ripped away. The backpack was thrown out the door, Remus following as he left, leaving the doorway for what was to be the last time. Inhale, Exhale.

Sirius sank deeper into the settee, large cushions swallowing his shrinking frame as he stared furiously at the photo frame, numbed by the conflicting emotions attacking his heart. Shoulders deflating, he stood up, taking the first true breath in what seemed like a decade, before walking over to the fireplace and lowering the photograph, blocking out the condescending eyes with harsh pine. Exhale.

* * *

**Denial**

"He will come crawling back to me within the week." Sirius grinned to James as the pair sat in the Potter kitchen, the kettle whistling in the background as the clock struck 4 in the morning. "You'll see, he needs me. How can he live without seeing this face every morning?"

"Pads, please be realistic." James groaned, head placed tiredly in the bed of his hands. "Remus isn't impulsive, yet he packed his bags and left quickly, which means he was at the end of his tether. You said yourself that the backpack had been on the side for weeks; this has evidently been on his mind for a long time, and his opinion wont change in the short run."

"But we haven't been having problems!" Sirius exclaimed, slamming his hands on the table angrily before being hushed by James, mindful of his sleeping wife and child upstairs.

"Just last week you were in here telling me you two had a flaming argument, Pads. Don't sugar coat it, you've been distrustful of him since he started doing these secret missions for the Order, and you've made no bones about it. Eventually one of you was going to leave, and you can't blame him for taking the initiative and fixing this now instead of later, when you both hated each other so much that you couldn't breathe."

"But I love him, and that's got to be enough." Sirius stated firmly, hands gripping edge of the table so, so tight.

"Sometimes, Pads, it isn't." James sighed, gripping a strong hand to his friend's shoulders. "The first casualty of war is always truth, and the lies have affected the both of you. Even when the war ends, that's going to take a lot of repairing. Don't expect too much of him or yourself. Don't break because everything doesn't happen as you had planned." A final squeeze of Sirius' shoulder and James left, trudging up the creaking staircase to lie with his wife, cocooning her in the comfort of his embrace.

Sirius sighed, head shaking as he considered what James had implied as he let the kettle float magically towards him, preparing his tea effortlessly. Of course things out go to plan. This would all blow over soon enough. The ending of the war would stop the separation, of course it would, and then everything could return to normal, That much, Sirius knew.

* * *

**Bargaining**

"Please come back, love." Sirius cried, leaning against the cold metal window bars as he looked inside the dingy apartment where Remus was staying, having smashed the window beyond them. Three floors up, Sirius had scaled the building, and rested against the floor length bars desperately.

"No. I'm sorry, Sirius, but you need to leave." Remus stated, dragging the curtain shut across in front of his ex. Flapping wildly, Sirius opened the curtain, growling at the mass of fabric in annoyance.

"Please, I'll be good. I'll buy you mountains of chocolate, and sit quietly with you while you read every night, and make every minute of my home life revolve around you if you would just come home." Sirius cooed, reaching through the bars to stroke his ex's face.

Remus melted for a moment, face finding comfort in the long soft fingers that traced his face. Sirius stroked the features from memory, remembering every crevice and bump on the surface on the face of the man he loved. Remus pulled away with a deep sigh, Sirius still seeking out the features now just out of his grasp.

"I can't do this. I can't be with you right now, Pads, and maybe that will change in the future, but right now I think we both need to be alone."

"I can't be alone, I need you!" Sirius exclaimed, hand sliding down to clasp Remus' own. "I'll change, I promise. I'll be the best me I can be, I'll be as perfect as you like and we'll be back to what we used to be." Bringing the hand to his lips, he kissed every fingertip, before resting his face in the hand, scrunching his eyes up tightly. "Gods, can't you see I love you?"

"This isn't going to work, Sirius." Remus whispered, removing his hand from Sirius' grasp and stepping closer to the bars, threatening to move away as Sirius made to grab him. "You're so perfect already, you will find someone else. Don't change yourself for me, we didn't work as ourselves. I don't want to even try making this work if you're anything other than you." Remus stated, stepping away from Sirius and straightening his back. "Goodbye, Sirius."

Sirius sighed, observing the stoic body language of the man in front. Sighing, he apparated away, leaving before he could see Remus crumple inwards, desperately hating the man he had become.

* * *

**Guilt**

"I didn't love him hard enough." Sirius stated, as he sipped his beer contemplatively. Sat in a muggle pub, he stared into the ash tray, desperately trapped in his own despair.

"Of course you did, Sirius. He just couldn't appreciate it." Peter stated across the table, sipping at his own ale tiredly.

"I still could have done more. I could have told him I loved him, I could have showed him how important he was to me more. I could have trusted him, goddamit!" Sirius replied in annoyance, snapping as he tore into a piece of bread.

"I think trusting him would have been a mistake, Sirius." Peter replied, forcing Sirius to stop, pausing to look at Peter with interest for the first time in years.

"What?" Sirius leant backwards, thrown off guard by Peter's statement.

"I don't know if you've ever thought about this, Sirius, but I've been doing some background checks for the order. Some of the things I have dug up haven't been pleasant." Peter scrunched his nose, rustling around in his pocket. A small vial fell out, clinking against the floor momentarily before Peter bent down to retrieve it, placing a moving photo upon the table casually, sliding it over to Sirius.

Within the photograph, Remus Lupin was walking through what appeared to be Knockturn Alley, satchel thrown across his shoulder. Coming to the entrance of another, smaller alley, a group of known death eaters emerged, forcing Sirius' heart to drop in dread in fear for his ex. However, Remus greeted them colloquially, opening his satchel and handing over some files and smiling.

"10th March this year." Peter stated, Sirius' eyes never leaving the image of the man he loved, interacting with the men he hated. "Don't mention anything about this to James and Lily yet, as Remus is being investigated by aurors and its best they don't get involved."

"Of course, of course." Sirius muttered, watching the photographed Remus hand files to Lucius Malfoy.

Perhaps if this didn't quell the sinking despair in Sirius' heart, or if he'd realised that the 10th March was most definitely Remus' birthday, which they had spent together, or if he'd noticed the label for polyjuice potion on the dropped vial, things would have been different. But he didn't, slamming his pint glass down so hard the sides cracked, crushed under the anger and lies coursing through the room.

* * *

**Anger**

"Change the secret keeper to Peter." Sirius whispered across the table, hands resting conspiratorially on his knees as he leant forwards, grinning manically as his eyes darted between James and Lily, both looking suitably bewildered by his announcement. "Remus will know that you'd choose me as your protector, and he'd make me talk, you know he would. But Peter, Peter, Remus would never suspect Peter."

"Sirius Black, do not make this about Remus!" Lily screeched, bobbing her baby on her hip angrily. "We chose you, and I'm not about to change my mind because you think Remus is the devil incarnate."

"Okay then, Lily, say, for a minute, that Remus isn't the spy. What's the harm in changing your protector to Peter? He's the less obvious choice, no one will suspect him, and if worst comes to worse and Remus is the spy, you'll be safe." Sirius reasoned.

"Because we trust you with this Pads. You or Remus were our first two choices, then after that, Peter. We both agreed that if you did not feel you could accept the role we would choose Remus, and I don't think your suspicions are going to change my mind." James answered, frowning deeply at the look of horror that flashed across his friend's face.

"You can't choose him! He is evil personified!" Sirius yelled, jumping to his feet furiously and throwing his mug towards the wall, watching with satisfaction as it crumbled into a million pieces, ignoring Lily's annoyed yell and Harry's frightened cries. "Don't you understand? I hate him, and he'll ruin your lives like he ruined mine. I am not going to let him ruin my godson's life, do you hear me? It will not happen!" Diving to his knees, Sirius grabbed James' hands, desperation pouring out of every inch. "Don't do it, he is evil. I hate him, I hate him, and I can't let him do this to you. Please, in the name of Merlin, put Peter as your secret keeper. It can't go wrong."

James looked tiredly over his shoulder, shrugging at his skeptical wife. A frown marred her features, but she rolled her eyes, nodding swiftly. Sirius' face lightened, and he threw himself at James with a grin.

"Thank you, thank you, you won't regret this." Sirius grinned, plucking Harry out of Lily's arms and holding him in the air happily. "Ah, my little stag."

* * *

**Depression**

Wrapping the cloak tighter around his shoulders against the cold October winds, Sirius sped towards a tavern, desperate to drown his sorrows in copious amounts of alcohol. His bike flew out of London as he contemplated where he should escape to, examining the rural countryside of England from above. Finally, he landed calmly in a small pub in the muggle village of Formby, content that no one of importance would bother him here.

He should have known that, as per usual, nothing would ever go to plan.

"Sirius." The strong, baritone voice wavered slightly as it echoed through the empty hall, and Sirius froze. Turning towards the once comforting tones, Sirius found himself face to face with the one person he did not want to see.

Remus.

"What are you doing here?" Sirius hissed, hand pressing tightly to his forehead as he realised he had managed to find the one pub in the entire country that he shouldn't have gone to. Glancing at the beautiful, horrific eyes in front of him, Sirius shivered, heart breaking as he looked at the

"Dumbledore sent me on a mission near here, and I needed to find some solitude for a while." Sirius' heart dropped further, realising the implications of what had been said.

"Oh, well I won't interrupt that." Sirius stated, sliding back out of the door rapidly.

"I'm leaving now anyway, Pads, you don't need to disappear on my account!" The words fell on deaf ears, Sirius too desperate to escape to listen. "Happy Halloween." Remus whispered to himself, tipping his glass to where Sirius had been, sighing deeply at what they had become.

Not trusting himself with the bike when he was shaking so intensely, Sirius stumbled down the road, handing over copious amounts of muggle cash to the first hotel owner he could find.

Collapsing into the small room, Sirius clutched at his throat, desperate to breathe once more so he could try and make sense of what had happened. Tears seeped through the corners of his eyes, chest shaking as Remus' face remained burnt upon his retinas.

Remembering the look of loss and distress on his old partner's face, Sirius frowned deeply, trying to make sense of his life. Frowning deeper, he reached into his pocket, grabbing his two-way mirror and staring.

"James." He whispered, hoping for some shred of comprehension. "James, I need you. Please answer."

* * *

**Acceptance**

The second he threw himself off his motorbike to see what was left of the Potter family residence, Sirius knew he had made a grave mistake. Dragging his hands through the crumbling residue, Sirius' heart broke as he found his brother in all but blood, stagnant against what was left of the staircase. Crawling further, he found Lily, gorgeous Lily, with her head resting against the charred cradle, eyes frozen. His heart dropped as he looked further, before lifting rapidly at the sound of a crying, sobbing child. Picking up little Harry Potter with a smile, he sighed, stroking the hair from his face tiredly, knowing it was his own fault that the child was now orphaned.

Time flew, and soon he rested face to face with the man who had truly ruined his life, Peter Pettigrew. Looking at the devil with crazed fury, he ignored the yells of the boy, instead remembering the first time he had kissed the man he should have trusted, the man he loved.

Remembering the heat of that kiss, and the passion behind every single one of their meetings, he dove forward with an almighty cry, ready to face whatever Peter had to throw at him, tears streaking his face.

He needed vengeance for Remus, and the nights they did not spend together. Vengeance for himself, and the family he had lost. Vengeance for Lily and James, and the years they would never have. And most of all, vengeance for Harry, who had lost almost everything.

But within a burst of light, Sirius lost it all, thrown backwards and left in the middle of a crater of lies as Peter scurried away, diving down a gutter before Sirius stood a chance. Breathing heavily, Sirius' eyes blinked, visions of Remus still plastered to his eyelids.

The weight of the torrid rain forced him to his knees. Sirius spread his arms, allowing the droplets to batter him as he surrendered himself to the approaching police. Mind flickering to Remus, he couldn't prevent the bursts of laughter that sprang from his lips, overwhelmed and amused by the irony of the previous month.

Closing his eyes, Sirius pictured the photograph on his mantle in his minds eye, remembering the overwhelming happiness that emitted from the frame. With one final smile, Sirius opened his eyes, head dropping as they dragged him away to a death sentence.

Inhale, Exhale.

* * *

**CHALLENGE - 7 stages of grief, 400 words each.**

**I wanted to try writing with a direct prompt, and it would be interesting in reading anyone else's interpretation of my challenge, be it about Remus, Sirius or any other character. If you do, send me a pm or write a review so I can have a look please!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. R&R please.  
**


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